Happy Birthday to Daddy

Today was Daddy's birthday. 

I bought him a card, but ended up not giving it to him.  I just gave him a book on Einstein instead.  What are you supposed to write in a card to someone who is spending their first birthday (54th to be exact) without their spouse?

I think he preferred the book.  Something to occupy his time. I felt very sad for him today.  I'm back at the house right now, and slowly but surely everyone that was at dinner tonight is going to leave the house and he will be right back where he was: alone.  Alone on his birthday.  ...I hope that's where the 561 page book on Einstein's life and "universe" will hopefully come in... Happy Birthday Daddy. 

About my birthday (yes it's far awayyy)

So I've been obsessing about my birthday. It's still quite far away, roughly 5 and a halfish weeks to be exact. I'm excited, but dreading. Again, another event without Mama, but excited that fate would have it that the first birthday without my mom I can legally drink my sorrows away. There's a silver lining to every little dark cloud isn't there... :-/

And I know it sounds really immature and kind of stupid to most people, but that's exactly how I plan to spend it. Doing everything the way that Mama wouldn't have done it. Because if I do it differently, then it will be as if she wasn't meant to be there. It won't be so obvious that she's missing.

I don't want a family celebration. I don't want a birthday cake. I don't want balloons or stupid presents. If you want to buy me a present, give me the cash and I'll add it to my alcohol monies jar (no that wasn't a joke) or go buy a fabulous pair of shoes. And btw, I blew my budget even more tonight by buying two pairs of shoes tonight...but they were oh so on sale, little blueish granny loafers that look like they collided with a glow stick, and fabulous BCBG black ("stripper"...as Karee called them haha) heels. Every girl needs sexy heels, right?

And I just realized the last few posts where I've actually written something it's been about the very thing I don't want to think about.... Uggggghhhhhh....

Anyway...sleep time for me and more Sigur Rós (yes I'm in a phase, I also just priced tickets from Atlanta to Reykjavik, Iceland, and the price is doable if I plan ahead...oh how heavenly that would be...)