About my birthday (yes it's far awayyy)

So I've been obsessing about my birthday. It's still quite far away, roughly 5 and a halfish weeks to be exact. I'm excited, but dreading. Again, another event without Mama, but excited that fate would have it that the first birthday without my mom I can legally drink my sorrows away. There's a silver lining to every little dark cloud isn't there... :-/

And I know it sounds really immature and kind of stupid to most people, but that's exactly how I plan to spend it. Doing everything the way that Mama wouldn't have done it. Because if I do it differently, then it will be as if she wasn't meant to be there. It won't be so obvious that she's missing.

I don't want a family celebration. I don't want a birthday cake. I don't want balloons or stupid presents. If you want to buy me a present, give me the cash and I'll add it to my alcohol monies jar (no that wasn't a joke) or go buy a fabulous pair of shoes. And btw, I blew my budget even more tonight by buying two pairs of shoes tonight...but they were oh so on sale, little blueish granny loafers that look like they collided with a glow stick, and fabulous BCBG black ("stripper"...as Karee called them haha) heels. Every girl needs sexy heels, right?

And I just realized the last few posts where I've actually written something it's been about the very thing I don't want to think about.... Uggggghhhhhh....

Anyway...sleep time for me and more Sigur Rós (yes I'm in a phase, I also just priced tickets from Atlanta to Reykjavik, Iceland, and the price is doable if I plan ahead...oh how heavenly that would be...)