Click for more :-)

I've been listening to this song obsessively (oh seriously)

I like lists.

1. The new statistic on the demographics of AIDs in the United States and the attention surrounding it really bothers me for some reason. It's difficult to explain without sounding like a terrible person. But my topic of the day to research at work involves looking up the 2000 Census, population demographics, AIDs demographics, AIDs coverage in the media, and other facts and tidbits. Why am I doing this? Because I want to be educated on the situation instead of making an emotional, rash decision based on the media coverage of the most recent study.

2. I'm starting the book "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult. I know it's pretty old, but this is my first time reading it and I'm pretty excited about it. Reading will commence at approximately 1:00 when I take my lunch break.

3. Maggie is the cutest human ever. I'm not sure if I've stated that enough in this blog.

4. I love linen. I'm wearing a linen dress today and it's the most comfortable outfit I've worn in a long time. You would think that since I've lived in the South my whole life I would've really learned to appreciate the true value of linen in this heat...I guess some people learn more slowly than others. But back to my outfit...I'm a little disappointed in myself, it could've been so much more interesting. My ability to accessorize kind of sucks lately. Something to work on.

5. Going to see the band Secondhand Serenade with the ladies tomorrow. Honestly, I haven't listened to much, if any, of their music. But Koti says they're fantastic :-). Also, one of the bands playing with them is PlayRadioPlay!. They're kind of too indie/Post-Postal Service to function, but, I still like a few of they're songs. Should be a good time, and worth getting minimal sleep on a weeknight (yes I'm an old lady who loves her sleep).

6. I'm very happy about Sarah and Bobby's "Opportunity for Success" (even though I'm not supposed to be...ha).

7. The theory known as global warming and its side effects are DEFINITELY some sort of conspiracy created by collaborative environmentalists everywhere.... Right. Ok.

8. I start sewing lessons with Jennifer tonight. I'm pretty excited. :-) Hooray!

The getting back of things important (or at least a smidge of them)

A door at my grandparents house. Taken by me.

So yesterday I went and bought a small, basic, starter supply of art supplies (i.e. acrylics, brushes - as all of mine are in the black hole called Townville -, cheap watercolors, water color paper, and small cheap canvases).  

Today, I used them.  And I feel the best I've felt in a while.  I sat in the floor, put on some Sufjan Stevens and painted away.  It's nothing extraordinary, but it made me remember I have something that makes me feel better.  I like to play the guitar, but I'm not dedicated. I used to play the violin, but the first and only time I played it since Mama left left me sitting in a puddle of tears and snot wishing things were different.  So I have art.  

I remember after Mama's first diagnosis, first semester of my junior year of high school, I had just started the audition-only art class at West Oak.  Everything that was happening spilled out in acrylics and pastels and charcoal and ink.  It was truly therapeutic.  Then when I went back to visit my art teacher (the one I met for a lunch last weekend) after Mama's second diagnosis she told me, "Remember you still have something."  She didn't have to tell me what I had.  And it's taken me nearly two years and a motherloss later to remember it.  

So here it is, the first painting I've done in at least two years.  

Simple joy... :-)

So as my at-work ritual goes I logged onto Fashionista.com for my afternoon mental checkout and daily dose of fashion education, when wah-lah! I think I shed a tear of happiness...just kidding, I really started jumping up and down with utter glee...

Yet another reason to hate Walmart...

I was hanging out with Jennifer and Tom yesterday after I had baby sat Maggie (it was fun fun fun! I love that little munchkin :-) A list of Maggie's new tricks coming soon haha) and Jennifer started talking about an article that Sarah or Bobby (not sure which) had told her about. It's from the LA Times and was published November 2007. I have posted it here, and it justified my ever increasing hatred for the blasphemy that is Walmart:

Wal-mart's lawsuit: legal, but wrong The retail giant's pursuit of funds paid to a severely injured former employee puts hardship on a family.

November 21, 2007

Deborah Shank's story would have been sad enough, considering the devastating injuries she suffered in a traffic accident seven years ago. Nevertheless, Wal-Mart found a way to add a brutal coda.

As chronicled in Tuesday's Wall Street Journal, Shank, a former overnight shelf-stocker for Wal-Mart in southeastern Missouri, was driving her minivan when she was broadsided by a semi and suffered permanent brain damage. Unable to walk without help, she lost the ability to care for herself or interact meaningfully with her family. Now 52, she lives in a nursing home.

Wal-Mart started out as one of the good guys in this story, paying almost $470,000 of her initial medical bills. But three years after Shank's husband sued and settled with the semi driver's employer, the retail giant changed hats. It demanded every penny back, plus interest and legal fees -- more, in fact, than the $417,477 the settlement had placed in a special-needs Medicaid trust fund for Shank's future healthcare expenses.

The company persuaded a federal district court judge and the U.S. 8th Circuit Court of Appeals to award it the full amount, even though Shank's family had paid for the lawsuit. Nor did it matter that the settlement covered a fraction of her expenses and losses. Wal-Mart's healthcare plan clearly states that it gets first dibs on any money recovered by injured employees. Such provisions aren't uncommon in health plans, and Wal-Mart isn't the first to enforce one.

Doing what the law allows isn't the same as doing the right thing, however. The company made itself whole at the expense of a helpless former employee who will never be whole again. Instead of having some resources to improve her care, Shank will receive only the basic services afforded her by Medicaid and Social Security. Nor will the trust fund be in a position to reimburse Medicaid (i.e., taxpayers), which stood to collect any unspent money upon Shank's death.

Wal-Mart argues that it's just trying to be fair to those still paying into the company's healthcare plan. Big payouts to insured workers can drive up the plan's premiums. The half-million dollars it spent on Shank's care, however, translates into less than 40 cents per Wal-Mart employee. In its most recent quarter, its stores generated that much in operating income every eight minutes.

Wal-Mart has spent the last few years working hard to rebut healthcare reformers, labor unions, anti-globalization groups and other critics who've argued that it puts profits ahead of humanity. While its advertising campaigns try to put a friendlier spin on the company, its behavior toward Shank tells a different story. If Wal-Mart can't restrain itself, perhaps Congress should prevent health plans from draining settlements won by injured workers with more bills to pay.

Yes, I'm defending celebs

So this morning I got highly annoyed by something that really doesn’t matter at all. I was listening to a coworker (who is only a year older than me) rant like a backwards-stuck-in-his-ways 58 year old man. He does this pretty regularly, and I usually tune it out, but today it was exceptionally loud and about celebrities. It was in reference to Shia LeBeouf’s latest run-in with the law involving a wreck and alcohol (we call these DUIs).

“Celebrities always have to do stupid things to get in the news, they just do this to keep themselves famous.” I, of course, disgreed with him and said, that people do stupid things all the time, we just hear about celebrities doing it because they are, in fact, celebrities and are in the public eye. And he, of course, in so many words told me I was wrong and that “normal” people didn’t go around doing stuff like that… Um, okay Mr. I Went To A Private Religiously Affiliated School That Doesn’t Even Allow People Of The Opposite Sex To Hold Hands (really he did, and really they are seriously that strict), something tells me you don’t have a good perception of the real world… Try going to any standard college campus, or any town in general and tell me that no one drives “buzzed” or drunk. Looking at the cases with the most impact: there were approximately 13,470 deaths from “alcohol-related” accidents in 2006… I’m sure those were all caused by celebrities because they’re the only one’s that do “things like that.”

Here’s another example. Everyone is freaking out about the photos of Britney Spears standing on a patio with her young son. She is smoking a cigarette, and her pack of Marlboros and lighter sits on the table. The photo sequence shows her son reaching for the pack and the lighter, picking them up, and then her snatching them away from him. Final conclusion: Britney Spears is definitely an unfit mother and shouldn’t be allowed to see her children. Ever. (…Please tell me you sensed the sarcasm in that…) Wake up people. There are approximately 22.6 million women that smoke in the United States…how many of those women have children, and how many of those children have reached for their mother’s pack of cigs? I’m going to take an uneducated guess and say the percentage climbs into the high 80s and 90s.

So I guess you could say I’m a celebrity advocate. If you were a celebrity think about all of the stuff that would be smeared across the tabloids? (Unless of course you’re perfect, like my coworker…) I’d probably make it on the page of “Celebrities Without Makeup,” or have a headline that says “Another breakdown for Susanna” or “NEWSFLASH: Susanna forgot to pay for her refill” (which I’m sure would be followed by an evil article about celebrities being jerks who think people owe them something).

Seriously people, there are more important things to worry about. Get over it and stop hating.

24 Hours: To VA and Back

hello and goodbye!

Short list:

1. Went to the doctor today and she didn't seem overly concerned about anything.  They did do a biopsy as a "precaution" and the results will be back in on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week.  More than likely it will be a "followup in six months" sort of thing.  At least I'm hoping that's what'll happen. :-)

2. The ship to VA is leaving in approx. 30ish minutes.  It should be interesting.  Five people: Tom, Jennifer, Sarah, me, oh and the small screamer named Maggie (who probably won't be that terrible to ride with...I hope) will all cram in to Sarah and Bobby's Honda for the next 6 to 7 hrs (that's factoring in Maggie-stops, bathroom stops, birthday gift pick-up stops, etc.).  Hopefully we'll make there by 9, because Grandma is cooking Hungarian cabbage rolls (yummmm). 

3. I am officially the oldest (almost) 21 year old I know.  I hung out with the girls last night and we went back to Karee's house to wait for our plans to be finalized.  Well, I found myself in a hour-long conversation with her dad about speculation with oil and what the governments going to do about it.  Then, we went to the actual party and I spent most of my time being the awkward girl in the corner.  Nice.  Seriously though, I always love hanging out with my three loverlies.  We had fantastic dinner, and had a moving dance party while I DJed as we rode from place to place.  Good times. Love them. :-)

4. No more blog updates until I get back from VA.  I think that probably makes me sad more than anybody else. Tehe. 

NyLoN loooooves David Bowie too...

See? (and P.s. I love Nylon. So it's a happy circle of love. :-) )

What Susanna says about PR5: Episode 2...

In keeping with the theme of last night’s show, I should write this entire review in third person: Susanna says… , Susanna thinks… , but no, I’ll leave that little bit up to Suede, who, besides referring to himself in the third person last night, pleasantly surprised me with his innovative and super-fun red and cream mini dress. I would have enjoyed his triumph a lot more if his win didn’t prompt more spews of “Suede is so awesome! Suede +bleepin’+ rocked it!” Anyway, enough on the blue haired wonder…

In my opinion this week, all the designers had something to prove to the judges, the fashion world, and America in general. They had to prove that they were actually worth being on the show. After last weeks Parade of the Picnic (Tablecloths, that is), Trashy Trashbags, and High-Fashion Diapers, they could only improve, we hoped… and I think America got what it wanted.

This week’s designs were infinitely better than last weeks. I think the Most Improved Designer for Episode 2 should go to Stella, the “leatha’”-obsessed lady from Queens, who is slowly but surely becoming one of my favs. She was able to construct a dress that was feminine and pleasing to the client, while at the same time keeping her “Rock-Star” design identity.

My Wearable of the Week goes to designer Jerell, for the orange and gray/green dress. Very Greecian goddess runs headlong into a poppy and then goes skipping through Greenwich, or to the nearest coffee shop. I was sure that this one would be one of the top three, but I guess as far as “innovative” goes, the design probably wasn’t very high on the list.

And now for the goodbyes. Poor Wesley, it seemed he got a week of hard-knocks on a week when other designers stepped up. First he had the same material as two other designers. Then, he was still slaving over the sewing machine when they had five minutes till the runway show. So it came down to his overworked mess and Leanne’s petal explosion, which, btw, model Karalyn admitted she didn’t like (let’s see if Karalyn will reprise her role on the runway next week…something tells me what goes around comes around and Leanne’s quiet demeanor probably gives way to some girly meanness).

But anyway, the judges saw poor craftsmanship as more of a reason to Auf someone than fashion A.D.D., and I guess we all have to agree they were probably right. So goodbye little Wesley from Massachusetts. Oh and P.s. Vampire Weekend called, they want their shorts back…

charity is fresh2o

So I was googling random things (underwater photography or something wierd) and came across a UK charity called fresh2o. 

It's an organization bringing to light the fact that for many people in many countries around the world people do not have access to fresh water.  The statistic that really popped out at me was that roughly 5,000 children die because of dirty water every day.  fresh20 states that "clean water is a basic human right" and works towards helping people attain that right.  

I think I may have found a cause to keep an eye on.

P.s. super fabulous underwater photography too featuring the likes of Lily Cole and Kiera Knightly.  The photographer is Candice.

 

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!...maybe?

I have a theory, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the first one to think of it (Sarah says it may stem from My Best Friend's Wedding when Julia Roberts tells Cameron Diaz that Crème Brule cannot be jello):  I think that everyone is a flavor of ice cream and everyone, in turn, prefers a flavor of ice cream.

Identify your flavor (I have provided a list):   

Vanilla

Chocolate

Neapolitan

Rocky Road

Cookies n Cream

Blueberry Cobbler 

Green Mint

Moose tracks

Birthday Cake

Chunky Monkey

Strawberry

Banana Split

Turtle tracks

Snow cream - like vanilla, but with a surprise

Coffee

Sherbet (orange, lemon, etc... and yes I know it's not an ice cream. Duh.)

Now, here's what I think: I bet you didn't chose vanilla.  Because no one wants to be vanilla.  It's safe, predictable, malleable...It's boringgg.   

Why do people prefer to be with vanilla?  Um, see above description ("safe"...um yea). 

That multi-colored concoction in the corner? Scary!

All I have to say is this:  She is vanilla.  I am birthday cake with sprinkles. So ha.

A list for starters...

Everybody has lows and highs right? But what happens when your lows get so ridiculously low that you can't even seen the beginning of a high?  Well, I'm kind of in that spot right now where it seems impossible to see beyond the suck. So, I decided to list things that I like and that make me happy, no matter how frivolous, superficial, or trivial they may be:

1. New Season of Project Runway (okay so that shouldn't be number one, but I was just watching TV and saw the preview for tonight's show... tehe)

2. My painted ladder that is doubling as my shoe rack...still a work in progress, but I like it.

3. Sarah and Bobby

3. Maggie

5. Jennifer and Tom

4. Daddy (and his super cool sister, aka, Aunt Gin)

 5. California

6. Mama, even though she's not here anymore, I still had/have the most amazing mother in the world.

7. Turner Classic Movie channel (Watching The Apartment with young Shirley MacLaine and Jack Lemmon)

8. Orange and pink Dunkin Donuts straws.  They make me happy.

8. Oscar and Kobe, even though I find random doggie hairs my dresses in the closet that I haven't worn in 3 months. 

Okay, so that's the beginning of my list.  I am saying "Yes, Please" to good things and hopefully they'll stay around... or at least the good mood brought on by good things.

Sarah's google skills + My instruction taking skills = Video accessibility!

Some people may be able to face their problems with sarcasm and cynical witticisms, but I sometimes find myself so deep in a pit of self-pity and think so much about the unfairness of it all, it's hard to find humor.  So here's the product of yesterday's angst.  Not at all special, but I was pretty proud of myself considering it's the first video set/thing that I've ever successfully made.

Blasted Technology

So, I've been trying to post a stupid video for about a day now.  Basically I had a shitty day of all shitty days yesterday and instead of taking pills and trying to off myself, which would have been understandable in my opinion, I decided to take video that I have been taking randomly and make a 3 minute symbolically blank bit set to Nine Inch Nail's Ghost IX.  Anyway, the format won't allow me to put it on the internet so I'm not sure if I'll ever figure it out.  

I made it in the oh-so-standard Windows Movie Maker so the format abbreviation is .MSWMM (Wtf?!) and the format I need to upload it is .WAV.  So, if anyone has any words of wisdom to bestow upon me to help me figure this out, it'd be greatly appreciated. 

How 'bout a Moonage Daydream?

If you don't want to dance when you hear this song, then there's definitely no hope for you... (That is, if you strive to dance in that concert-goer, hippie-esque mixed with rocker tantric, sort of way...)

P.s. The first lines of this song are my favorite:

I'm an alligator, I'm a mama-papa coming for you

I'm the space invader, I'll be a rock 'n' rollin' bitch for you

P.s. I love David Bowie. The end.

A reunion in a garden (How poetic)

Today I had lunch with two very, very special people. My art teacher from h.s. and also an old friend (and former classmate) who I haven't seen in a long time, LP and Lew respectively.  

In high school I was in GT Art (Gifted & Talented) that was an audition only class taught by the talented, insightful, and did I say talented, LP.  It's amazing to see my first painting I ever did under her eye and then the last one.  She saw her role as a teacher as being able to channel our styles and ideas of art, not mold them to the standards of what ppl expect art to be.  She also made sure we got experiences that otherwise, students in Small Town USA wouldn't have been able to see.  

We went to Atlanta to see Dale Chihuly's exhibit in the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, "Chihuly in the Garden" followed by a trip to the High Museum of Art to see their show of Vincent Van Gogh.  (I recall may jokes from one classmate in particular about the irony of an art museum being called "high."  I laughed. tehe)  Then there were trips to New York City that same year and the next year was Chicago.  Amazing experiences that gave me my first look into something outside of my little corner of Southern US (sans the family trip to Washington DC in summer 2002. That was definitely an experience.)

And then there's Lew.  Except for the visitation after Mama died, which doesn't count because I was pretty drugged/in-shock so I don't remember, I haven't seen her in over a year.  And while it kind of sucks that we never get to see each other more, she is one of those friends where we pick up right where we left off.  She's truly an amazing person.  In fact I know few people with her kind of conviction, moral code, honesty, and healthy ambition (I say healthy ambition, because ambition can often be considered a very bad, unhealthy, thing).

It was wonderful to see them again.  Kind of a mini-reunion I guess you could say.  And before Lew got there I was able to tell LP exactly what has been going on in my life.  I told her about my plan for the year 2009 that I have to be back in school for that fall, but not without a little dread.  I'm always worried how people will react when they find out I'm not going back to school this fall, especially people who's opinions really matter to me.  I always dread that look on their face that says, "Sure she's going back to school next fall, that's what everybody says."  Because everybody does say that.  

So many people leave school and have no intention of going back because they lack the ambition to do so.  Sure there's circumstances, etc. etc.  But I'm sure a lot of people who leave school, aren't actually going to go back.  I don't want to be one of those people.  And the look I saw on LP's face this afternoon told me she doesn't think I will be.  I must say, that made me feel much better about the decision I made.

Another thing about this lovely lunch was that we didn't meet at an air conditioned cafe, we brought our lunches to the botanical gardens.  It was great! I had forgotten how beautiful the gardens are.  I also realize that it's the sort of place that you can go when you just want to enjoy nature alone.  There were so many people just walking around with their cameras, but then again, you see almost down.  The perfect public garden to go when you're feeling anti-social.  I have a feeling I'll be spending several Sunday afternoons there in the future. 

Not this upcoming Sunday though, because we're going to Virginia.  I'm actually sort of excited about going.  The past few visits I have dreaded it completely, due to family tension that I don't feel like spending the next three hours writing about.  But I feel like a lot of that tension has subsided, and I'm looking forward to spending some time with my grandparents.  They're getting older, and I'm starting to realize that, besides them being my grandparents, they are the people who knew Mama, kind of the last link I guess you could say, to her childhood and her past.  Wow, that's a rather numbing thought...

But anyway, this was a lovely day for a reunion.  And now I'm going to do laundry and force Sarah and Bobby to go on a short bike ride when it cools off a little outside.  And then tomorrow work....(UGH). 

Here's to my stupid blog... (and the slight disaster it has become)

So I would like everyone to know that I hate my blog lately.  Hate it.   And you're probably asking, "why the hell do you do it?" and my answer is, "I don't effing know."

I started doing this blog because I wanted an outlet for all of my thoughts...and then I made the decision that I was "fine" now and started blogging about stupid crap that I still like, but ultimately - doesn't matter (aka. Fashion, or that stupid 7 tips to save at the grocery store thing - Wtf? Why would I put something like that on my blog, I'm not a desperate housewife thanks!) 

Ending consensus: I feel like I'm not being honest.  I see Sarah's blog and she's so honest, but in that cynical, dark humor sort of way, so it's still enjoyable.  And even Jennifer came out with a post that was brutally honest (and a little on the heartbreaking side), on a blog that she has declared as a Maggie-subject blog only!  I come across other blogs too that are truthful as well, but: they're whiney and simper-y (and as I declared in my post about Project Runway Season 5 Episode 1 ...which does matter haha... I detest simper-y people).

I don't want to be whiney or simper-y, but I do want to be honest.  I think the main reason behind that is that people that I care about can read this (my whole 2, or maybe 4, dedicated blog readers).  I have a hard time verbalizing what say, and I hate wasting time sitting around and "talking about it."  So, if I just post it on here, they can read it, know what I'm actually feeling and then go from there.  Wow. Hasn't this age of technological wonder made our emotions and thoughts so much more accessible, and in such a time efficient way!  Ladies and gentleman, there we have it...I am using my blog to avoid human-to-human conversations about my feelings. Ta daaaaah! 

Wow...talk about a stream of consciousness/thought process spilled out on a page...

So here is my new little pledge, mantra, whatever:  I will start being honest on this page.  I may change the names, the places, or any facts that I chose.  But ultimately, it will be honest. 

No more of this bullshit I've been posting... unless of course, its a frivolous thing that I honestly like.  For example, I do care about fashion, music, and sometimes stupid grocery shopping tips...but that's not me all the time.  

So here's to honesty.  Let's make it work.

And on that note, I'm off to ride my bike. Which is finally fixed. Wahooo!

Finding things in a room (and being knocked down by the aftermath)

In your fall jackets 

there's a hint of what was

and the scent of what used to be

And I still see you floating

through the hours

and the people in the room turn and smile.

It's ours.

In your fall jackets you bound a wound

in secret.

You kept your doom 

a secret

From me, from her, from she

(From me)

In your fall jacket.

And I still hear you in the other room

and your laugh, so ever clear

echos through the gloom

(the gloom)

of people that would never realize...

-Me

Happy Birthday to Daddy

Today was Daddy's birthday. 

I bought him a card, but ended up not giving it to him.  I just gave him a book on Einstein instead.  What are you supposed to write in a card to someone who is spending their first birthday (54th to be exact) without their spouse?

I think he preferred the book.  Something to occupy his time. I felt very sad for him today.  I'm back at the house right now, and slowly but surely everyone that was at dinner tonight is going to leave the house and he will be right back where he was: alone.  Alone on his birthday.  ...I hope that's where the 561 page book on Einstein's life and "universe" will hopefully come in... Happy Birthday Daddy. 

You're the colour

You're the movement and the spin

Could it stay with me the whole day long?

Fail with consequence, lose with eloquence

And smile

I'm not in this movie.

I'm not in this song.

Never.

- Consequence, The Notwist

PR5 KICKOFF!!!

WELL, I’m super obsessed with last season’s designers so this season has a lot to live up too.

Starting with the guy who got Auf-ed (he was that memorable, I don’t even remember his name…), I’m glad. I don’t think I could bare watching another episode, he was simper-y and simper-y people annoy me. Also, I’m glad Trash Bag girl got to stay. It just seems like she got the bad cards, which just so happened to be on the first challenge.

Also, remember the blue-checkered tablecloth dress? That crap should’ve been in the bottom two before the trash bag dress… it literally looked like he had taken piece of napkin and hotglued them on randomly…ew.

And it looks like the Tanny Tranorexic (or wait, did I mean Tranny Tanorexic…either way it fits) Blyne is going to try to be Season 5’s Christen. Newflash: Not happening.

Another question, who the heck is Blue-Mohawk Guy, and why did his dress match his hair?

I think this season will be a season of silent killer designers. The girl who dyed her dress…or rather, dyed coffee filters, and made a dress looks like a favorite. Also, the guy who ironed the blue solo cups: you could tell he put a lot of thought into the way he placed the pieces and put them together, there was actually a movement to the placement. Very nice.

So besides the excessive use of tablecloths (“Slackers” Ha!) and the attempt to copycat last season’s personalities, I think this season could prove to be interesting… of course, once said Slackers and Copycats get the Auf.

A "Real Simple" Way to Save $$$

Here's a short list on 6 ways you can save at the grocery store.

If you're like me you hate Walmart. HATE IT. It represents everything evil and corporate and its basically death to the small store owner. And my heart died a little when I walked in and saw Sarah and Bobby unpacking groceries from *gasp* Walmart plastic bags...

Anyway, I digress, I found this list via CNN and intend to take its advice. I already do some things - like using supermarket club cards and buying store brand items. But there are some other tips that I hadn't really thought about that much, like buying fruit and veggie items fresh, instead of pre-cut and pre-packaged (there's almost a $6.00 difference in price - insanity).

I would take this a step further and say buy fruits and veggies from your local fruit stand (we have one near our house that's open every day), and even a step furthur and say if you've got a large pot in your house, or 2x2 patch of dirt, grow your own tomatoes, or cucumbers or whatever. I'm super proud of Sarah because she and Bobby (with the initial supervision of Ms. Linda) planted a garden of cucumbers and tomatoes (those Roma tomatoes are little jewels I'll tell ya).

Happy bargain-grocery hunting!

Accepting the Decisions

Biggest struggle = accepting your decisions and moving forward with them.

School starts in one month and I have to accept the fact that I will not be going back. That when all of my friends are in one place together, I will not be there. Its a decision I made on my own. Yes there were circumstantial influences, but ultimately, if I had made the effort to go back to school, with the help of my family (who are supporting my decisions as I make them) I would have eventually gotten the necessary things done to go back to school. But I didn't.

Of course this is all spawned by the fact that I now wish I was going back. It makes me sick to realize that in one month while that campus is teeming with fresh starts and reunions and pointless drama and stress and sleepless nights, I will be doing exactly what I'm doing right now as I write this: Sitting in my cubicle.

Maybe I'm being whiney. Actually I know I am. I try not to be. I hate reading those blogs that are the same thing over and over again: bitch and moan, bitch and moan, especially when they have nothing to bitch and moan about.

So I guess I have a new goal = make it through the fall without getting depressed. And staying away from that campus, because I'm pretty sure going near it will just make everything worse.

...I guess I'll have to find a different place to celebrate my 21st b.day...because I AM NOT going downtown to celebrate with back-to-school party goers.

Retelling the old with the new

I'm starting a book called "Weight" by Jeanette Winterson. So far I've only read the first few pages, the introduction. Where Winterson explains her motive behind retelling the myth of Atlas and Heracles and also says that the retelling of this story is written "directly out of [her] own situation." She uses the words, "loneliness, isolation, responsibility, burden, and freedom" as the topics she explores. Seems rather appropriate for my own situation.

I bought this particular book off the sale table at Barnes & Noble. I loooove book sales. You always find all sorts of little treasures.

Also, I think the cover art is fantastic. I wish there were a shirt dress with this maxiprinted, and a little off center.

I'd wear it.

Guitaring again

I have a very pretty guitar. And it's ridiculous that as often as I have started teaching myself to play I'm not good at it by now. Because I have the ability, I just don't have the discipline. Ridiculous.

New goal. Just keep playing. Duh.

And maybe one of these days I'll start playing the violin again...maybe...that's a blog topic for another day and has nothing to do with discipline.

pre-coffee, at-work, nothing-to-say

So I'm sitting at work blogging. This is something that doesn't happen toooo often seeing as I try to be a halfway decent employee. I have approx 10 minutes until I actually start working bc the people we're dealing with are in CST and Canada. Hooray!

Anyway, had a slight wardrobe malfunction this morning. Started walking into the building when I realized my black heels that I was soooo excited about wearing...are too big. Figures. And then I realized (as I always do when I buy shoes, bc for some reason they always feel perfect in the store) that I bought 8s, and I wear 7.5s in heels. Blast. I think my foot is ever morphing. Wierd.

Anyway. Came in, sat down at my desk and started fixing the problem with Vicks' Puffs and Scotch tape. So far it's been somewhat successful, but I hate walking slow and I feel like I'm on parade.

Yes this blog is completely pointless. I promise I think about more things than my high heels and shoe sizes. It's just that it's only 8:54ish a.m. and I'm not even halfway through my giant coffee mug (the one that looks like it's been aerodynamically designed by NASA or something...wierd).

Okay. I'm going to pretend I'm working.

Crocs are Evil and Project Runway is Heavenly

I read this on Fashionista and I feel like saying "TOLD YA!" to every person who has ever defended Crocs (aka An Abomination to the Word Shoe)...

"Sandals with socks are certainly up there. Generally speaking, it's footwear trends. I mean, the Croc--it looks like a plastic hoof. How can you take that seriously? I know it's comfortable; I understand that. But if you want to dress to feel as though you never got out of bed, don't get out of bed."
--Tim Gunn's thoughts on the worst fashion trends, in Time Magazine

Speaking of Tim Gunn, Season 5 of Project Runway starts this Wednesday. I haven't been this excited about a TV show since...well...I don't remember... I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a Project Runway party. Let me know if you want to come! :-)

Post-weekend

It's the Monday kickoff. Ready gooo!

Briefly: This weekend was good and was sort of the beginning of what I think will be the new social me. Which means, me actually being social. The people I hung out with were, for the most part, super sketchy, but I loved it. And there was a enough mix in of people from old times to be comfortable.

I do miss hanging out with all of them. Of course I always had the core group, The Kays, as Sarah calls them... but I've seriously neglected every other relationship I had. I think it's time to put myself back into the open. Time to be Social Susanna again. And I'm pretty excited about it.

Plus, a fun-filled weekend is the only way I can think to get through this boring, week-long monotony called a JOB. (Such is life. Ha.)

I am proud to be able to say that No, I am not a bandwagon jumper. I was the nerd who cut out articles about the possibility of Barack announcing his candidacy on page 8 of the local newspaper.

:-)